LindseyMommy's Blog

My Life in the Sandbox

Soul Mates. October 28, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lindseymommy @ 8:40 am

It’s a rainy day and mentally, all is not well.

 

I am happy to do this tribute today to those I love and who have such special meaning to me.

 

People in my life who are my soulmates:

 

Ava. She is such a mini me. She has all my attitude, all my passion, all the charisma, all the love that I have, intensified. I love that I can relate to the little ball of passion that she is and that I understand it, because, not everyone does. I love that she is my personality soul mate.

 

Mike. He is the yang to my yin. For every bit of passion I have, he has reservation. For all my emotion, he has calm and rationale. I’m so thankful that I truly have my other half. We are so good for each other. In that way, I think we’re soul mates.

 

Liz. Liz is my parenting soul mate. Together we entered motherhood, just days apart. Together we learned about instinct. We learned how to be mothers. We have very similar principles in raising our daughters. We balance each other out – we run scenarios by each other and what one might not see, the other does. Our focus, from Go, was our daughters. Every moment. We learned how to balance, over time, the importance of that focus as they have grown with their independence and the natural changes that the mother and child bond goes through as the children grow. I very rarely ever find another mother that shares my views as closely as Liz.

 

I’m probably not doing any of this justice, but here it is.

My soulmates. Those who have meant so much to me, and who I would not be the same without, and who I am lucky to have by my side.

 

The baby thing. October 25, 2009

Filed under: Baby — lindseymommy @ 10:22 am

Back when we started trying – back during The Case of the Missing Ovary, I’m really not even sure how much I even wanted a baby.

 

Ava can be quite the handful.  I love working out every morning. I love the independence of having a preschooler.  I love that my body’s better than it’s ever been. I love(d?) my job. 

 

Pregnancy sucked.  But I think it sucked worse because I was single, out of shape, and scared out of my mind.  I don’t think it’s going to suck as bad this time.

 

In any case, as the months have gone by, though, and we talk to Ava about someday having a brother or a sister – and she is so excited, she can’t wait – she has invisible brothers and sisters (Brothers, Abraham and Dillon – and 7 sisters who went on vacation about a month ago and haven’t come back.).  Her excitement has me excited. 

 

My contentedness with my strength and my body has me ready.  My comfort and security in my marriage has me excited.   And as the months have gone by I feel less threatened by the changes it will bring and I feel so much more that there is a person, a member of our family, who we haven’t met yet, and I want him/her here,  Now. 

 

This month we’re going to get OPKs.  Might as well try to strengthen our chances a bit.  At least to know we’re trying at the right time.

 

Sucky, sucky night. October 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lindseymommy @ 7:27 pm

It’s so ironic that it could be funny.  If it were at all funny.

 

5.5 yrs ago, I had sex, one time, with a man I barely even liked, using protection, and I got pregnant. 

 

Now, we’ve just tried for four non-consecutive months to get pregnant.  No protection. Perfectly planned sex around ovulation.  And nothing.  Got my period again tonight.  Only four months.  I know.  Especially so soon after surgery in that area (March, to remove a dermoid – google image it, I dare ya). 

 

 

But I expected it to happen right away.  Based on my… history.

 

And it’s not happening.  And Ava gets older every month.  And I want a baby more, every single month.   

 

 

And Aunt Helen sent us a package with our wedding video and pictures.  And UPS lost it.  Confirmed tonight.

 

I am very, very, very cranky.  

 

It’s definitely going to be an eating-my-emotions kind of night. 

 

Thank goodness Juliemommy’s coming over…

 

To Be A Man

Filed under: Uncategorized — lindseymommy @ 6:06 am

I have to spin this week’s assignment from Liz at Lizdom even more than last week’s.

 

What it means to be a man – As I have NO idea, what it means to be an actual man, and I don’t believe any man I know would spend time trying to articulate his “true” feelings about it to me, I am going to write….

 

 

“The Top Ten Reasons Why I Am The ‘Man’ In This Relationship”.

 

10. I. Do. Not. Cook.

9. I do not do dishes, either.

8. I believe all cleaning that occurs, occurs magically.

7. I do not write checks/ pay bills. That also occurs magically.

6. In the evenings, after the kid’s in bed, I do little else but watch TV and drink (and work on my laptop).

5. I really, really, REALLY don’t like to talk before/during/after sex.

4. Nor do I like to cuddle before/during/after sex.

3. I really think it’s funny when my kid curses. Mainly because she’s still tiny and she has no idea what she’s saying.

2. I see no reason why we cannot eat dinner in the living room.

1. I am always the one who initiates sex. Always.

 

Quiet October 18, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lindseymommy @ 6:30 pm

Daddy took Ava to his parents for dinner tonight. 

 

I’ve been looking forward to these few hours alllllll weekend.  My girl is great, and we’ve had lots of fun this weekend: her hoe-down, picking out crafts to make for Christmas presents and then making them… 

 

But I’m Never. Alone.  I feel as though I haven’t been alone for YEARS.  I work all day, with Ava all evening, Michael all night.  Never alone.  Always someone to take care of, to listen to, something that needs to be done.

 

And yet.  I’ve been sitting here alone for two hours, and I am ready for her to come home.  I realize that although I sometimes long for the independence I used to have, this, raising a family, it means so much more.

 

This one’s for you… October 17, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lindseymommy @ 1:46 pm

Juliemommy and I have been best  buddies since I was 14 and she was 18.  We met when I started dating her younger brother.

 

Julie introduced me to so much:  Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  Blackberry brandy.  Candy poker.  I practically grew up at her house.  Weekends – while her parents were at the camper.  Holidays that my familyu wasn’t around for, or didn’t bother to celebrate.  Her family celebrates EVERYTHING.  There are tens of people over all the time, and they’ve watched me grow up.  They’ve become my family, too. 

 

Every day for two years, Julie picked me and her brother up at school and whisked us off .  Sometime’s she’d pick us up DURING school 🙂  Ha ha.   Sometimes they’d pack  up the trunk with blankets and snacks and sing to me under the stars in the soccer field.  They made my high school years… magical.

She fell in love and married her soulmate (don’t laugh, you.).  I knew the minute I saw him he was going to be the father of her children.  They have two – Livi’s a year older than Ava, Will’s a year younger.  The kids adore each other.

 

Julie moved to Florida, then Virginia. I don’t know exactly how many years she was gone.  She moved home soon after Will was born (he’s 3).  I’m so glad she’s home.

 

We’re each other’s yin and yang.  We hold each other steady.   I’ve never met a person with a bigger heart. She gives all of herself to her family and her friends.  To make their lives magical.  And she succeeds. 

 

I love you, lady.  You’re my sister, if not by blood, by everything else there is.

me n jules

 

Riiiiiight. October 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — lindseymommy @ 5:50 am

Yesterday was one of those days that reminds me how much I love what I do. At work.

 

And one of those days, once home, where I think to myself  “This is just too damn much. Too damn much for one person to handle.”

 

The day was busy, busy, busy. A Very Very Very Big Problem arose at 1 PM. I looooove Big Problems. Especially the ones I can fix.

 

I worked hard, fast, all afternoon, impressing the urgency of Fixing This Problem on our Decision Makers (in the Queen’s absence). Offering what knowledge I have as a background. Setting expectations with my client. Gathering the right people with the right expertise together to problem solve.

 

By 5:30 PM while cooking dinner for my family I was able to deliver, if not Great, certainly at the very least Acceptable news to my client. Solved, in the short term, the Big Problem.

 

It’s a Rush – every time it happens it reminds me why I love this job.

 

Meanwhile, at 4 PM every day I leave the office to get my daughter. I drive for 45 minutes to her preschool. I go to her cubby, pack up her backpack with her lunch box and whatever art she is bringing home. I read the “Parent/Teacher Journal” in her cubby describing her activities and behaviors for the day.

 

Yesterday, the teachers indicated that she did not eat her lunch. They commented in the journal that this was because Ava told them that “Mommy found that food at the bottom of an old van and packed it for my lunch! I’m not eating that!”

 

First of all. I don’t even own a van. Second of all, WTF! I made her apologize for lying to her teachers (they insisted they didn’t believe her) apologize for me for telling a lie about me. We discussed this behavior on the way home (in between work phone calls, while we were trying to solve the Big Problem). We talked again about it with Daddy when he came home – how Very Not Okay it is to lie like that!

 

The offending lunch? Bagel w. cream cheese. Apple. Green beans.